Life in the Mind of Ginny Weasley
by indescribablyBee
Summary: Ginny Weasley's life has just turned upside down. With a new diary, a new struggle, and a frantic journey to save the boy-who-lived, chaos is her middle name, and soon she will be forced to face herself. Rated for mature themes. R & R please.
1. Chapter 1: Conquering Fears

**Disclaimer:** If I was J.K. Rowling there would be no need to write this disclaimer.

**A/N:** This story starts out in Ginny's fifth year. It's kind of AU because I added some things and changed some of the stuff that happened at the end of OotP. It's all from Ginny's point of view. This starts out darker than the original version, but it should probably get lighter in time. And the rating went up because I decided to deal with a little more mature topics in this.

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**Chapter 1: Conquering Fears**

June 25th, 7:30 PM, My bedroom

Dear Diary,

I am going to write on each and every one of your bloody pristine, white pages until I can safely say I'm not scared of you anymore. It was my friend, Hermione's idea.

You have pink, feathery stuff covering you, and my name inscribed in gold lettering on the front. On the very first page you have an explicit warning to all who are not Ginny Weasley, that they should close the book and put it down or else face my wrath. I know a mean bat-bogey hex. Maybe I could charm you to subject any violators to that for extra protection. Hmm, I'll figure that out later.

I suppose that I should probably write down exactly why I'm trying to get over my fear of you. Well, it's not you in particular that I'm scared of, it's more diaries in general. That's because of what happened in first year.

Now, I know it's the start of my fifth year, so I should be over that. I mean it's not like I was possessed and almost killed by someone who I trusted absolutely…

Haha. Ha. Wow Ginny it's amazing people don't laugh at your jokes more often. They are just so hysterical.

Anyway, yes, I should be pretty much over what happened in first year. I mean I _finally_ got the nightmares to stop. But no. Stupid Department of Mysteries and an encounter with the stupid Death Muncher's pets had to go and screw that up.

Perhaps I should explain…

Well, two years ago our dear, loathed Moldie-shorts decided to make a comeback. He also then decided to start terrorizing the world. He has this mental link thing with Harry, Harry Potter I mean, and so all last year Harry would get these visions from inside of ol' Moldie's head.

Supposedly, Harry was getting lessons on how to stop these visions from Snape, but we all know how well that worked out.

Last year, during Harry's History of Magic OWL, Moldie sent him a vision of Sirius being tortured in the Department of Mysteries. Harry couldn't get into contact with any of the Order of the Phoenix members, (except Snape and he's Snape so what could you possible expect?) and so decided to go off and rescue Sirius himself.

Well, we weren't about to let him go off and face Moldie-shorts by himself, no matter how much of a pansy the self-styled Dark Lord is. So we took a short threstral ride over the the Ministry of Magic. We got these cool little badges with our names on them and "Rescue Mission" printed under that.

Nobody knows this, but I've kept mine. It's just, even though that night went to Hell in a hand basket, I just couldn't toss it in the rubbish bin like Ron did. It seemed... important, that I kept it, I guess. I'm almost positive Harry kept his too. I think he sees it as a link to Sirius.

Anyway, once we got there, we went and ran into a bunch of Death Munchers, and had to flee for safety. Unfortunately, when we split up I ended up in a room full of Dementors. Most horrid creatures in the world, I'm telling you.

They were behind this white forcefield thing, but the entire room was filled with them. I just… it tore me apart. I relived my entire first year in the span of ten minutes. I thought I was going to die.

But then Harry and Luna burst through the door. Harry fell to his knees next to me as soon as he entered the room. His reaction to the Dementors is worse than even mine. Luna didn't seem affected by them at all, and practically dragged us from the room.

We all went back to the fighting, but quickly got separated. It was pure chaos. Spells were flying everywhere, and you practically didn't know who was on your side.

Sirius saved my life then. One of the Death Eaters snuck up on me. The Killing Curse would have hit me, if he hadn't pulled me out of the way. I was just a few feet from Sirius when he fell through the Veil, too. I tried to save him…

At the point when Sirius disappeared I remember looking around for Harry. I wanted to know if he had seen his godfather fall. I found Lupin holding him back. The look on Harry's face was pure agony. My heart shattered a thousand times over that night.

Sirius's funeral is in a few days. Harry and I were chosen to make Eulogies. It's been a while since the night he died, and it's been a bit since the end of term, but none of us could bring ourselves to think about it.

Sirius' body still hasn't been found, and Harry is back at Private Drive for a bit. The Will Reading is supposed to be today. I think that it will break my heart again.

I haven't slept in a while. Not truly since that night. The nightmares came back full force. I close my eyes, and I see so many horrible things. That's why I have a candle with me at all times. Mum doesn't particularly like it, but I'm terrified of the dark right now.

Harry is coming to stay at the Burrow today. But Ron and Hermione won't be back until later in the summer. Ron was invited on holiday with the Grangers. I think they're coming back for today, for Sirius' will and everything, but I'm not sure.

Mum will kill me if I don't go down to breakfast soon.

I think Hermione may have been right about this. I feel a little bit better this morning.

I read about this really interesting feature for you in the little booklet that Hermione sent with you that I think I might use. It requires a bit of my blood, but I think that it will be worth it. I'll think about it.

Talk to you later, I suppose.

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June 25th, 9:30 AM, My bathroom

Dear Diary,

I'm most definitely going to use the extra feature that Hermione told me about. I thought about it, and it'd be cool to have my thoughts and different experiences written down even when I can't.

I know it requires me to draw blood, but that's not a new thing for me.

Mum doesn't know but in second year I snuck into Hogsmeade a couple times. I would disguise my hair and face, and beg for money when I could. I saved the money up over a couple months, and then went one day, and bought myself a beautiful steel dagger. It has a red hilt with gold filigree in it, and has two small pearls on the blade itself. It's made of the sharpest steel, and has a charm on it to make sure it never goes dull.

I don't know what made me buy that really. I was looking for a weapon to protect myself with, but that just called out to me. I bought it, with money to spare, and because of my disguise no one asked questions.

I began to sleep with the dagger under my pillow to keep me safe. I would have horrible nightmares, and felt so guilty when I woke up.

I knew it was wrong. I knew I would be addicted as soon as the blade touched my skin, and no one would be able to help me. My mother had warned me. It was the Prewett curse. She had made me promise. But it wasn't the first promise I had broken, and would most certainly not be the last.

I'm not a stranger to pain, you realize, and the marks on my arms are enough to prove it.

So, here it goes.

_Ginny sat solemnly on her bathroom floor, the small line on her arm bleeding slowly. She sat in wonderment as the diary on the floor beside her began to write of its own accord._

Well, I guess that worked…

That should record what happens when I can't, and at the will reading. This should work out really well. Thank you Hermione.

Anyway, I have to get dressed to go to Gringotts. Mum and I are supposed to be meeting everyone there in an hour. And I have to clean up the mess I've made and stash the dagger.

Remind me to read up more on the Prewett family curse later. I haven't thought about it in years.

Talk to you later.

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**A/N:** So what do you think? I want your honest opinion, truly, because that will make it easier for me to continue the story. Sorry about deleting the old one but it's train was derailed beyond repair. I'll hopefully be using a lot of stuff from the old one, so tell me what you liked most about that.

Thanks for reading, thanks for caring,

Bee :)


	2. Chapter 2: Gringotts

**Disclaimer:** If I were J.K. Rowling there would be no need to write this disclaimer. Or even this story…Wow. I feel enlightened by that…

**A/N:** Gasp! An update? Really? Yes. Yes it is. I think I've finally summoned up enough angst to continue the story that I've started nearly a year ago. Which is really a pathetic reason for not updating, but sorry dear readers, college preparation stuff and the eternal job hunt have all but consumed my soul. You're just going to have to patient for a bit more.

Oh and as a side note, I'm surprised that no one noticed the fact that Ginny went back in time in the last chapter. I'm not going to fix the problem, but now you're all going to back and spend hours trying to figure out what I'm talking about. Let me know what you think it is in your review.

Enjoy.

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**Chapter 2: Gringotts**

June 26th, 10:16 AM, Gringotts Lobby

Dear Diary,

We have a bit before Harry gets here, and Mum walked off somewhere, so I've got a bit of time to write before the reading starts. I'll activate the spell in a bit, but for now I need to bask in the soothing sound of the quill for as long as possible.

I think that was one of my problems originally with the whole diary bit first year. I had always turned to writing to soothe my soul. If I was upset about something I wrote it down and worked my way through it. It probably wasn't the healthiest way of dealing with myself, but my family has never had it easy when it comes to that.

My mom is exceptionally unyielding. It's her way or the high way. I've never really understood how her and dad seem to have such a good, functioning relationship when they are such different people. But I can understand why she needs the control, after everything she's been through…

She took my possession the hardest of anyone in the family. Bill and Charlie weren't around much anyway, then, so all they could do was visit more, and even then they weren't really involved in what was going on with me. Percy became more distant. I heard him talking to himself while he was de-gnoming the garden, and he was worried I'd jeopardize his chances of making Head Boy, the git. I'm not sad that he's abandoned us.

Fred and George were distraught. They didn't pull a single prank for so long. We were the closest, the twins and I. My dad used to call us his Mischief Triplets. They practically set up shop in my room, sleeping on the floor whenever they could get away with it, simply so they could chase away my nightmares. I love them all the more for it. Sometimes, at Hogwarts, they'd sneak into my room and stay with me, even long after I had gotten rid of the nightmares. When stupid Umbridge chased them out I was furious.

Ron and I had sort of drifted apart a few years before he went to Hogwarts. I hung around our neighbor from down the lane a lot, and Ron wasn't so into Luna at the time. We were still close though. Really close. Which is why it was all the harder when he ignored me when I first got to Hogwarts with him. But I don't blame him. Not for a long time. Even so, I don't know that we'll ever be as close as we once were.

Hermione was always nice. Really friendly. Completely accepting of everything that happened and for that I was eternally grateful, and will continue to be so. She's a great friend.

Harry's a bit of a different story. He saved me. I owe him a Life Debt, and I admire him more than I could possibly express. He's been extremely kind to me over the past few years, when he noticed. He's good at seeing people who don't want to be seen though. So I made sure to stay out of his way. But after the way he saved my dad, and comforted me while we waited for news, I don't know that I'll be able to stay away.

And Sirius. Just being here is making me ill. To think that he's really gone…

I'm… I'm going to activate the spell now…

_Ginny Weasley sat in the hard stone chair against the wall of the private lobby in the West Wing at Gringotts. A lone tear slid slowly down her face, and she struggled to remain composed in the face of Harry's arrival. She knew she was failing miserably._

"_Hey Ginny," the boy wizard, known as Harry Potter offered quietly as he approaching, Ginny's shaking form. Ginny looked up with tears in her eyes, into twin green pools of ultimate sorrow. With a soft moan of sympathy, Ginny threw herself into Harry's open arms, and sobbed hysterically. She could feel Harry warring with his emotions, as slight shudders wracked his body, and gripped him tighter._

"_I'm so…so—sorry, Harry." She mumbled into the front of his robes. Harry rubbed her back soothingly as his own shudders subsided._

"_We'll be okay Ginny. We'll be okay." Ginny nodded, and pulled back slightly, to wipe the tearstains from her face. She looked up at Harry, and saw him swipe at a few stray tears, and she gave him a watery half-smile._

"_Sorry about that." Ginny mumbled. Harry shrugged, and took her hand._

"_I'm not. I think we both know that we needed that." Harry quirked a small half-smile back at her and led her toward a set of double doors a few steps down the hallway from the lobby that Ginny had been waiting in._

"_Shouldn't we wait for my mum?" Ginny asked, watching Harry's face darken imperceptibly._

"_The only people allowed in the reading are us, Remus, Tonks, and unfortunately Narcissa Malfoy, and…"_

"_Bellatrix Lestrange." Harry swallowed visibly, and Ginny winced slightly. "Harry she won't show up. The ministry would be on her before she could even take three steps into this building." Harry sighed._

"_What if it doesn't work like that? What if she has just as much a right to be here as anyone? What if I'm going to have to sit there and watch Sirius' murderer leave the room and get away with it again? I don't know if I can do that…" Ginny sighed sadly, remembering Harry's frantic tale of casting the Cruciatous Curse on the bitch who killed the closest thing he had to a father._

"_Don't worry Harry. If she's in there, we won't let her get away." Harry took a deep breath, and Ginny squeezed his hand reassuringly, as he pushed open the ominous double doors to reveal a small goblin, which appeared to be waiting for them. Harry looked surprised._

"_Hello Griphook, how are you today?" The goblin called Griphook's eyes widened in surprise, and he bowed low before Harry before answering._

"_Lord Potter-Black, it is a pleasure and a surprise to see you here. I was previously informed that you would be unable to attend this reading." Harry's face darkened drastically._

"_I am aware of what you have been informed, but that information was incorrect. I felt that it was about time that I learned the truth. If you wouldn't mind, I would greatly appreciate it, if some time this afternoon could be set aside to help me in this endeavor." Griphook's eyes widened once more at the honor, which had just been bestowed upon him._

"_Of course my lord. I will prepare what is necessary."_

"_Great thanks, Griphook, to be bestowed upon you and your clan." Ginny vaguely recognized this as a goblin custom, long out of use by wizards._

"_And you as well Lord Potter-Black. You as well." Griphook wandered off in the direction from whence Harry and Ginny had first entered this antechamber._

"_Harry, what was that?" Ginny was confused, and she didn't like feeling confused. She didn't like secrets of any kind and she could feel that Harry had many._

"_I'll explain in a bit Gin. For now, let's just go read Sirius' Will." Harry led Ginny into a heavily warded room, with several advanced spells to protect the contents of the will and –_

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June 26th, 4:09 PM, My ex-bedroom

Dear Diary,

So much has been hidden from me! So much that I could have worked towards and embraced! So much fear and pain that could have been avoided!

Harry and I are leaving today. As Lady Potter-Black I am expected to follow my husband into whatever endeavor he wishes to embark upon. Mum is furious. But then, the feeling is mutual.

An arranged marriage between the house of Prewett and the house of Riddle has been planned since my grandmother fell in love with a man named Thomas Riddle, near fifty years ago.

As the last Prewett heir of marrying age I was to be sacrificed to that monster on the advice of both Dumbledore and my doting mother. Harry and I have to disappear. Breaking a marriage contract is serious business, even when doing so legally. I don't know when I'll next get the change to write. We are fleeing London. Ron is coming, and the plan is to get Hermione and her parents in France, after picking up the twins.

We don't have much time. Sirius' will unearthed so much. Too much. Both sides in this war are after us now. I can't believe that this is happening…

Harry's signaling that it's time to leave, so farewell for now. I can't risk activating the spells on you, diary, until we are sure that we are far enough away from those who would recognize the faint touch of my magical signature, in the blood seal.

Goodbye Burrow. Hello Chaos. Merlin help us all.


End file.
